I have a story to tell. We all have a story to tell. Today, I will begin the story of my life. I am not sure how transparent I will be. The story I will tell is God's story of my life. How He took me out of a broken home and gave me a home I can call my own. The journey from the beginning has brought me much pain and has brought me to a place of surrender.
Today, God called me to a time of sitting still before him. I am sitting in the house all alone...Buddy is gone to a football game....our sons are living their lives in another town...the two dogs are visiting the spa:) aka, the kennel. It has been a l...o...n...g time since I have sat still enough to listen. To listen to what God is speaking to my heart. It has been a sweet time and one that has brought tears.
So here goes a little transparency: I live most of my life feeling not just inadequate, but feeling alone. It is like my past continues to invade my mind and I can sit there long enough that I fall into a deep pit. I told my friend, Andi, I had lost my giddy up go. I feel emotionless, empty, alone and that my life moves in automation. I ask myself why? I have so much in front of me and in my life. And what is it that keeps taking me back there? I am not 100% sure --- I do know this very thorn in my flesh keeps me calling out to God. And one other thing I do know is that my God never leaves nor forsakes me. It is these times that I fall before Him, calling out His name to step in and be my strength. He shows up every time...because He was there all the time:) Thankful for that. I believe His Word is "God inspired"...that His Word is Truth. I believe: "God is who He says He is, God can do what He says He can do, I
am who God says I am, I can do all things through Christ, and God's Word is alive and active in me". (Thank you Beth Moore for putting this so eloquently).
Having said the above... I know it hard for some to believe I have these feelings of inadequacies and loneliness. But I am here to tell you as long as any of us have breath, we all feel this in some fashion. Unfortunately, these two things have invaded my life off/on and at times leaves me incapacitated yet still moving through life. I learned how to hide my feelings (or so think I do)... it was my way of survival. The thoughts I have as I move through this life I call mine can be pretty scary and hilarious at the same time, but is for this I have Jesus!
Please understand this blog is not meant to invoke anything but what God has done and continues to do in my life. Heck, I am not even sure who or if anyone will stumble upon this! It's all in the hands of my Lord.
My prayer is that this story of mine may bring someone else to a place of healing and surrender.